I think that when it comes down to it, most of my problems tend to be linked to either the rainy, windy weather we've been having lately, or my bike, or both. I've been a bit down so haven't wanted to write in case I came across more angry than I meant to. However, I think that I should be as truthful as possible in this blog because it'll be interesting for you and also for me when it comes to reflecting on my year in Denmark.
First off, I haven't been unhappy, just not happy, as I am most of the time, so I've had a couple of weeks in that interesting middle ground when things are ok but could be better. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to this :) I've had a lot of free time on my hands because my timetable has changed so I only have lectures on Wednesday morning and Thursday afternoon. This is not a bad thing, at all, but as I've always been a ridiculously busy person it has been a bit strange. I said in my last blog post that there is a lack of common space, organised activity and student-led societies here so I've really been feeling it. I guess what it comes down to, is spending a lot of time by myself.
I was always envious of people who packed up and went to live in another country for a substantial period of time, a semester or a year. But I think I only ever saw their lovely pictures of nights out with friends or sun-drenched activities during the day. I never really thought that there would be a difficult adjustment period that came with moving abroad. In my case this has meant adjusting to a country which has very similar weather to the UK but has substantial cultural differences. So there's been a distinct lack of sun-drenched activities- well at least the kind that warm you up. Don't get my wrong there have been some really beautiful days with bright autumnal sunshine but there has also been a LOT of rain.
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| It's the little things! |
I have been adjusting to the fact that I can't smile at strangers in public and the fact that unlike the familiarity of British politeness, many Danes come across a lot more blunt. This is no bad thing either, I think actually I could learn a lot from being a bit more to-the-point. The Danish just seem to have a very different approach to life and way of doing things, which makes me feel quite out-of-sync, like I'm always one step behind. There have been some exceptions of course, like my wonderful housemates who are friendly and inclusive. But when it comes to administrative things, like signing up for Danish language classes I am met by brick walls. It always seems difficult and I am the one who is doing things wrong.
In order to counter the loneliness I have been meeting up with friends and organising things myself. I've been saying 'yes' more and have taken initiative to go and explore the city myself. For example, the other week I went to a dance performance with a girl from my course, which was fantastic. I haven't been to many dance shows, but this one, entitled Kvinde Kend Dit Skab or 'Woman Know Your Box/Cupboard' was highly inventive and skilful. The dancers used four large cupboards which they moved around during the performance, perching themselves on top and moving with the cupboards in a domino-effect. They also used a range of props from ukuleles to plastic party horns which gave the dance a sense of fun, but it dealt with issues such as gender and race in an ambivalent way. I thought it was genuinely fascinating. We stayed after the performance for the after-party which was another eye-opener. The professional dancers definitely knew how to take control of the dance-floor :)
I also visited the Women's Museum in Aarhus, which was the first of its kind and one of only a handful of women's museums in the world. It's well-worth a visit and is a real reminder of how neglected women's history has been and continues to be. This museum focuses on Danish women's history but its themes are universal.
I have also been meeting up and going out with friends which has been a great way to get out of the house and enjoy their company. We tend to go out on Friday or Saturday nights and meet up during the week for more low-key things- like film nights.
I just had one particularly bad day this week when everything seemed to be against me. I fell off my bike on the way to my lecture which meant that yet again I had to run to the lecture. Then when I went to get my bike, after the lecture, the bike lock key snapped in the lock. I was with Hannah, and she persuaded me to ask for help from the mechanics, we managed to persuade someone to take the broken piece of key out with a pair of plyers. Then when we were cycling off, my chain fell off! I managed to fix it, but it did take a while. I got home and had planned to go into the city to meet Hannah for a documentary event she had helped organise. I cycled into town, then tried to get some money out and for some reason the Danish cash-points didn't like my English bank card. So with no money, and standing in the pouring rain I decided to cycle home. I got all the way back to my halls only to find that I'd lost my keys. I then cycled back to try and find them. By this point I was in tears just wondering how everything could possibly have gone wrong! I managed to find my keys though so I got back home, got in my pyjamas and skyped my boyfriend.
Yes, I had a terrible day, but as Hannah pointed out, these days are designed to make us stronger, and we managed to fix my bike twice. So, although some days I am really tested and it feels very rainy and dark, I am still here and battling through it.
I think these past few weeks have been difficult because I've thought that it was me, that I was somehow doing things wrong and that things are against me. But I am changing my mentality by organising events myself and telling myself that I'm in a different culture and that I need to approach things differently.
It's been difficult working out who I am, away from home and without my family, friends and boyfriend but I don't need to think about that either because I'm just me! I'll always automatically smile at people and I'll always be the one pulling crazy shapes on the dance floor. I'll probably have problems with my bike for as long as I own one and I don't think I'll ever give myself a sensible amount of time to get somewhere but always leave with just enough time or late. I'll always enjoy learning and writing and I'll always be curious about the world and different cultures. I have a lot of other characteristics but if you know me, then you know what these are :)
I saw a rainbow earlier, it reminded me that things can be beautiful even when it's dark and rainy. I've been having difficulties, but with a really busy schedule and a visit from my boyfriend this week things will begin to look happy and bright. Thanks as ever, for all the support, I promise to write soon.
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